Made to Heal. We're interested in you.

Rally Rally!!!

2006-08-21T20:59:00.000-07:00

Ron

Our next SIG outing will be held tentatively on the 30th. Meet at about noon. Gwee has a paper in the morning and would prob meet us later? Muj has a paper the next day so wont be stayin over. It'll be fullstrength as best as we can so pls all try to make it thankews.. oh yes and if u havent figured its a stayover. Shall we ask our HONourary members seow and khoo? pls inform me of any problems and whether u guys can make it yeah? bring cash, dvds and anythin funky. Dress code as usual.. trademarks.. cya then!

Here we go again

2006-08-21T20:38:00.000-07:00

Ron

Very bored indeed but ppl, whatever happened to our blog man.. so i thought lets bring it to life again.. start blogging peeps.. this is where 6 ordinary guys with very different lives are brought together by their common interest.. we havent met up in hell long and really, its about time to..

Crash Gan's place with his ever upgrading Mega Extreme Unbeatable home entertainment system, watch DVD 9s and buy cookie craps from MOBIL,

Listen to Kan's New Police Story 5: Adventures At The Carpark,

Try to figure out wth muj is talkin about when he goes into WoW mode.. yes jumping roxxorzz.. wadever..

Get spat on by Gwee.. nuff said..

Get hooked on to tay's drunk escapades..

Go OhMyShitThatsDamnNotFunny at my jokes.. yes i know u guys secretly enjoy them..

Every once in a while catch some brokeback action with seow and gwee..

And of course visit Andy/Michael at Lemongrass..

Alright peeps.. im looking forward to an awesome time at the coming stayover (yes its coming), so clear up some free time for ur bros yeah? whatever happened to the regular updating at random food places man? (chocolate fantasy, Blackened leg) we need to get back to the trend. So for the next outing, pls rmb ur rings of bondage(sorry i had to say it) otherwise someone's gonna surpass Kan's minus 10 million points.. The SIGn is out. Rally Rally Sigmarites!!!

To the SIG-mobil...

Nanananananana...

truth.

2006-02-20T06:41:00.000-08:00

they say the truth sets us free. maybe it does, maybe it just makes things all the more complicated. but i dont really want to discuss what it does.

its funny how we dont tell the full truth just because we assume the other person wont understand. and how this misunderstanding usually snowballs and makes our lives interesting with dilemmas and really fucked up situations. we sink deeper into all the lies we weave to protect the truth and eventually lose sight of it before wondering what was all that effort for.

but to tell the truth is to be vulnerable to its repercussions, to the actions others will take because of it. and its not easy to lower your guard and stand there for the blow. the human being is first and foremost an animal as well. and instincts dictate that we must do all we can to ensure our survival.

the truth is brittle and fragile, twisted and never pure. and it will never be easy to tell. at least, not the truths that matter the most.

Out of stuff to say

2006-02-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

Hmm... I've not been blogging here. It's hard, me having another blog and all. Ah anyway.

My days have been pretty stressful. This guy saw me prepping smth for funorama, and said "having FUN?" And I shot back, "yah. It's FunOrama after all." (i was being sarcastic)

There's gonna be a pile of really random things happening between now and FOR like cross country (one week and I've not trained! Oh well, Maybe if I pass out I'll get some sympathy) Bio Spa, Current affaris quiz, and darkroom lessons.

But if there's one thing I like about AC, it's the vibrancy. There's always so much going on. No slow draggy afternoons spent in absolute dread. There's always something to do, something happening. Whee. But it does get tiring sometimes.

Unrelated, but every morning they do ad's for fundraisers. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just plain obscene. My least favourite would have to be the russel peters one. Like, whatever. Nobody gets it. I think I'm becoming desensitised to slapstick.

I realise I sleep quite indiscriminately. Anytime I sit down in a mass assembly, I'm probably sleeping. Like in lectures or chapel or announcements or briefings.

i better get some sleep.

transparent

2006-02-02T01:45:00.000-08:00

hrmph. i'm coming back soon again lol

i just realised i hvnt blogged in a month and i figured since i got a nice chunk of free time i ought to get round getting my ass to it. not that bloggin is chore or anything, its just that i've been feeling really screwed up lately. like everything's been going downhill tho some things seem tobe lookin up. bah. sometimes i wonder what the fuck am i suppose to be doing on this plane of existence?

anyway, i'm basically dragging myself from hour to hour here. sometimes i find the extreme highs and lows of life back home so much more interesting to live. here, i am in a comfortable medium which flunctuates very little. i wonder if its realistic tho. is life suppose to be a stable period of living? or a journey with insane peaks and troughs(studying waves now lol) ?

sigh. maybe i should save this for philosophy later. got it in an hour or so. lol what do you guys plan to include in the sig handbook? i think its almost time for me to go. drop me an email sometime? i'll see you guys soon enough lol

Strange and Beautiful

2006-01-25T05:43:00.000-08:00

Ron

Ok im gonna blog rather incoherrently today.. just gonna write wadever's in my mind..

Today's one of those days when nothing really special actually happens but u just appreciate the sweet simpleness of it.. Nothing significant, nothing out of the ordinary, yet so many little things that just make u wanna smile so much so that it becomes a good day.. its really the little things that matter in the end.

More than fine, more than just ok..

Its hard to draw closer to some friends while not looking like you're drifting away from others.. jealousy tends to get in the way and even my own conscience prevents my doing so.. which kinda sucks.. how do you say 'i need some time out' diplomatically?

This is your life, are you who you wanna be?

As much as you may really think your parents don't understand you, they do, to an extent.. these few days ive been talkin to mine more than normal.. and i think im really blessed to have them.. they're great people and definitely cooler than many out there.. went shoppin for my new year's stuff.. shit im gonna look good.. haha.. white hat, black shirt, pink/red/purple tie, white pants, black shoes.. it doesnt get better than that people.. heh.. My family rocks.

Welcome to the planet, welcome to existence..

She's the one, she's as close as it gets to my ideal, my dream, my splash of yellow. She's so near and yet so distant. I could talk all day to her, I could spend every moment with her and I could do so much more. But fate permits not, truly. There's always chemistry but never enough. Just one step away. Just one chance between; The finisher or the breaker i know not. My heart; Speak and lift your burden. My head; Voice and lose what u worked so hard to gain. Risks in every aspect of life. trust God. Im waitin for You to say somethin. Indeed im satisfied with what i have now. It could carry on and she'll never know.. I'll keep my joys to myself. The time we spend together would be so much to me and never more than all thats worth on the face to you. But im satisfied. Im happily confused, you beautiful letdown, you lack of colour, my bittersweet symphony, my Konstantine.

We are One tonight..

Chocolate

2006-01-22T06:26:00.000-08:00

Ron

So yesterday i had 5 girls and a guy over at my place. coolstuff.. no we werent pimpin la.. just had to try makin fondue for monday's fundraising.. it was damn fun.. all the cookin rejects and cannot-make-its tryin to handle the kitchen.. lol.. shit, i think i have this innate talent in cookin.. i shall expand on it one day.. lol.. so yeah, we were fretting about the chocolate and it was a success!!! I think ystd rocked.. coz of all the fun we had and the company.. :) serenating with strange and beautiful, chocolate overdose, sick nutella shit, pictures galore, vying for control over windows media player and so much more.. haha.. maybe sji will be over at my place.. at the function room with bbq pit, pool table and well.. the pool.. heh.. cant wait.. i know, im really not doing yesterday's event justice by bloggin so lil abt it but im soooo tired..

today was ok.. spring cleaned my gramps' place after church.. damn disgustingly dusty la.. shit.. and im so shagged now.. so yeah.. gtg..

TRY 2SB5'S SINFULLY CHOCOLATEY FONDUE!!!!

Sick

2006-01-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

Alright. No one seems to be posting lately so i shall get the ball rolling again. Been sick for the past few days. And i was so stupid 2 continue training even though i wasn't feeling well. That's how my flu and all got worse. Didn't go to school today. It's soooo damn boring staying at home with nothing much to do except sleep. Cheryl didn't bring her phone to school so i couldn't message her either. So that kinda sucked. No one to talk to, nothing to do... that's the worst situation anyone could ever be in. haha. ok. I think all this is just crappy. Hmm. Let's see. What can I talk about. Oh yes. Sig ppl will be glad to know I have decided to start on the sig handbook (for real this time). I won't fall asleep before even starting while eating ice cream and wake up the next day with mushy fluid ice cream. haha. So you guys got any suggestions on what our handbook should include just drop me a message or something

California, here we come!

2006-01-08T05:47:00.000-08:00

Ron

Right.. so the last 2 days were spent watchin the OC.. so i guess thats why i havent blogged much.. wad can i say.. the OC ROX!!! haha.. seriously, i can understand why ppl are so mad over it.. from sleepin to wakin ive thought abt wad happens next the whole time.. lol.. all of u shld watch it man.. lol..

I think im gonna post a short one tonight.. ive had lots to think abt but it wldnt be too nice to write everythin out.. all i can say is well.. time and tide wait for no man but they do heal all wounds eventually.. lets all move on..

i love the character of Anna Stern from The OC..

If I fall, If I fall, If I fall, will you catch me?

2006-01-04T06:37:00.000-08:00

Ron

Confessions of a SIGmarite: I didnt study at all today.. shit la.. physics tmr but i didnt study AT ALL.. NOT A SINGLE WORD.. but strangely im feelin sufficiently prepared for tmr's supps.. wonder whether its God at work or am i just bein indifferent to whether i pass or fail in the end.. It felt good not to be in school today.. reminds me of the hols again.. but after this week.. the harsh reality.. sigh.. oh well.. So wad exactly have i been doin today.. lets see.. started off watchin tv, eatin breakfast.. dled the guitar tabs for Strange and Beautiful(I'll Put a Spell On You) by Aqualung.. den practiced that and Lyla by Oasis till my fingers were like rock hard and dry.. Oh yes, Thank/Damn you Mouse for intro-ing me to strange and beautiful.. im currently addicted to Aqualung.. argh.. but its really darn nice.. haha.. oh yes, i need a capo.. constantly tunin all my strings just to get the capo effect is damn irritatin.. im restricted to playin one song.. and im afraid of my strings snapping if i tune too much.. hmmm.. so yeah.. thats wad i did today.. online, guitar, slack.. good life.. haha.. i just hope my results tmr will reflect how confident im feelin now.. lol..

Oh yes, ive been hit with TV dramas fever.. im debatin if i shld get The OC season 1 or One Tree Hill Season 1.. or just save money for that elec guit i shall get.. sometime.. The OC is so temptin la.. but its M-18 dammit.. so irritatin.. wonder if they actually check.. otherwise i can just pass off as some army dude la.. with the hair and all.. lol.. hmmm.. cant wait till i have enuff money.. i think it'll be quite funny for me to have to constantly watch The OC when no one's around to notice.. its like the ultimate guilty pleasure.. lol.. oh well.. how come season 3's already showin in the us but season 2 dvds have yet to ship here? hmmm.. i think i'll be done watchin 20+ episodes damn fast and be cravin more after that.. hopefully season 2 will ship by then.. i dun wanna dl.. so slow!!! i dun mind dl-ing season 3 tho.. haha.. and yes, im talkin as if ive gotten the dvds.. so thats it then.. THE OC HERE I COME.. oh wait.. 40 bucks to go.. sigh.. so thats why i havent bought it yet.. ahhhh..

"I've been watching your world from afar

I've been trying to be where you are

And I've been secretly falling apart,

Unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful

You'd be so perfect with me but you just

Can't see you turn every head but you don't

See me.

I'll put a spell on you

You'll fall asleep and

I'll put a spell on you

And when I wake you

I'll be the first thing you see

And you'll realise that

You love me.

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first

Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes

And I know, the waiting is all you can do,

Sometimes.

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep and
I'll put a spell on you
And when I wake you
I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that
You love me."

Strange and Beautiful- Aqualung

When you've only got a hundred years to live..

2006-01-01T06:20:00.000-08:00

Ron

I think all of us sigmarites shld go do some reflections for 2005 individually.. i know its 2006 already but here goes anw..

Well, wad can i say.. 2005 was such a spectacular year.. nothin comes close except maybe 2004.. when SIG was formed officially.. 2005 brought a whole truckload of strong memories that i can safely say would stay in my head for a long long time.. I think.. no.. i know that ive matured so much this one year and learnt even more about the ups and downs of life.. the many friendships that were newly forged and old ones that were strengthened and consolidated upon.. My love life was such a good one.. despite the many events that hurt me more than anythin else i ever felt, the rest of them, the happier ones, definitely made up for them.. Debbie was so perfect and i think many ppl that knew us really believed that we would never had separated.. yet all good things save God must come to an end and well, turned out some things were just not meant to be.. However, from the happier moments of being together to the break up itself, i never regretted a single moment.. Losing a girlfriend, ive gained a sister i put much trust in.. Of course all u sig bros come first la but thats not the point.. lol..

School has been such a big experience.. dance, screwin up my studies, friends, bein in a mixed school again, politics, scandals.. and so much more it would take the whole day to describe everything.. simply put, ACJC ROCKETH MY SOCKETHS!!! Dance was an experience of a lifetime that not onli taught me how to dance (duh) but it also played a huge part in makin me grow into the person i am now.. more mature, understanding, confident and less stage-shy and closed up.. truly, kudos to Raj (My instructor).. School work is shit man.. its so different from O's suddenly it looks like i'll never see an A ever again.. but tts wad 2006's for.. lol.. i was screwed over and over again by my results i think i had multiple orifice bleedin man.. coping with the new ppl was tough too.. at first our class was so cliquish and all but now i know that i can have a decent conversation with anyone in my class.. and im truly glad for that.. Made close friends although mostly girls, this year.. maybe its the interest in the opposite sex after bein deprived of bein in the same school as them for 4 years.. or maybe i just enjoy their company.. its like different than with guys la.. So yeah, basically school was pretty darn %^#&ing good!

Which leaves my resolutions for 06.. sigh.. i really dunno.. OH first and foremost of course my studies.. shit man.. i better get 2 As at least.. now that i dropped my fourth sub and all.. i must commit at least a third of all my free time to studies this year.. and become a moderate mugger.. study hard, seek help frm smart frens and eventually, get 3 As in prelims/A's.. crazy? watch me do it.. heh.. I promise to be a good boy this year too so Santa will give me more presents.. no actually just God.. i wanna really draw closer to him this year.. to conffess all my sins and fall on my knees in his presence.. i just wanna be alive in all senses for Him and i'll be glad in that.. Social life wise.. well, im not gonna complain abt more frens so.. why not? heh.. i wanna be EVEN closer to the likes of letitia, hsi lyiang, clare poh, charm, mouse, lydia, my church peeps, and anyone else who looks like a nice person.. I WANT MORE SIG OUTINGS YOU HEAR!?!? haha.. the other part of my social life.. the sub category that causes so many probs.. love.. ah.. they say all u need is love but tts bull.. im gonna take my time this year.. not gonna rush.. gonna wait till the signs are so blatantly in-my-face before i do anythin.. but till then, im gonna be the nicest i can when i see the need to.. and gentlemanly behaviour.. shit man.. i seem to notice wad i should do only after i miss my chance.. lol.. but tts abt to change soon enuff!!! haha..

***

The following section was originally wad i did that day but has been deleted to avoid misintepretations.. apparently it was too scandalous and i dun wanna be involved in any at the start of the year.. 3/1/06

***

Happy 06 my peeps.. and all the best with ur reslutions, THE INTEREST and any other stuff u didnt get in 05.. so go get some.. heh.. NOW BLOG! God bless ya all! :)

flare

2005-12-31T07:28:00.000-08:00

its about half an hour till its another year and it makes me... introspective. this year has been truly a year of change for me. i think i've come a long way from whenever and while i welcome some of my changes, there are changes i also dislike.

2005 has been a long year for me i guess. going to the uk definitely extended its length. i dont regret going but i do miss certain parts of life back here that i left behind. even so tho, i learn to more self reliant, more independent and slightly less caring about what people think of me. if there was ever a fault of mine that i seriously dislike was my obsession over how people viewed me. its shallow, superficial and basically a really disgusting thing i couldn't get rid of. oh well, but yeah i think i got over it abit. theres a feeling of freedom when you finally do something you want to do and not what others expect you to do.

being in somewhere different by myself made me grow up a bit i guess. like created a new side to me that i could use in those situations. ah well. acjc was also a major milestone this year as well. i did many things there that i always wanted to do. the intoxication of dance and the pain from track training, those thing i wont forget. in a way, they define who we are as well or who we want to be. haha i suppose one of the major things i learnt this year was how to talk to girls. to be honest, i could never hold a face to face conversation with a member of the opposite sex. i was almost quite a dork when it came to that subject. the crazy hectic lifestyle of a jc student is a memory i wont forget and how i bonded with my class ( in the first three months ) through our shared insanity. those sb5 days were awesome as well, going about vandalising tables, talking nonsense with ron the whole day and sleeping in lectures. and not to mention dance after school. this year is probably the year with the greatest changes i have even come across but it was a year of great fun and friendships as well.

i think i finally manage to let go of that little thing i never seem to get over through the course of this year and while somewhat saddening, i cant help but think that i can finally get on with life properly now.

hrm, i suddenly find it hard to come up with more without descending into deep nostalgia so i guess i'll end off here. 2005 was a good year for me and i hope 2006 will be even better. to sig: i hope you guys had a great year too and we ought to commemorate another year of sig lol. in any case, i wish all you bros a fantastic new year and an even better year ahead.here's to 2005 and may 2006 be filled with more laughter, joy and rollickin good times. happy new year, people!

The Lynch Pin

2005-12-30T07:54:00.000-08:00

Ron

Isnt it weird how the whole day goes so well and suddenly it gets spoiled so simply by just one line? perhaps its more of who said it rather than the cause of anger that counts for the majority.. But if two people truly understand each other well enough anger wouldnt come so easily would it? there would be leeway and a larger room for allowance.. in this case, to understand and close one eye to the words that hurt.. perhaps it was my bad to start off with but why would a simple line that has been repeated so many times before be especially hurtful now? Is there a build up of emotion stored behind that? Which leads me to think of the strange unfairness and irrationality in human behaviour.. Would someone, with so much hate, jealousy, and other devils of the mind choose to pick on every possible opportunity to hurt you just to vent out such frustrations? Not mentioning anyone in particular but these seventeen years have taught me much.. being in a relationship especially, was a crash course on the various evils of man. How people can try to create jealousy in another under false pretenses.. listening to people talk about the problems in their own relationships too, have allowed me equal insight into the evil that is man, corrupted by sin of course. I have a friend who enjoyed seeing her soul mate get jealous at her.. and so in order to get such thrills she speaks to him about how she enjoys her time with other guys under the cover that she's 'just talkin about the day's happenings' why would anyone want to do such things? its obviously unpleasant and absolutely painful for the other person. Honestly if i were that guy i would just look normal on the outside. simply because by there really is no point doin the same back for revenge. What is revenge? Why should one cause hurt to another for the sole purpose of the satisfaction in it? Would it change anything? No. The world is filled with evils aplenty, the devil lurks in every corner. Life doesnt suck. Its our actions that cause such thinking. All of us wear a mask daily. The true person underneath is no person; Its an abomination.

Yet why should i be upset at the eventual end of a wonderful day due to this small incident? is it true that hurtful memories leave longer and harder impressions than joyous ones? My day was absolutely great, full of laughter, hope and the faintest inklings of.. love? but why is it that i choose to focus on this sadness and make it the focal point of my emotions at the end of the day? is it in my human nature to do such things? in truth the lynch pin of our emotions, the all determining factor on whether we hold up or crumble down, is not given to us by circumstances. Its what we choose it to be. Hard, but true. Ive been feeling a strong sense of peace these few days and well, its been lettin me focus on my priorities. School work before friends, socialise now, love.. theres plenty of time for love.. i cant wait for tomorrow.. and sunday too.. meeting my closest friends. It is through these people that i find happiness and solace.. who really tell me what life is so wonderful for. Come to think about it, if i choose to play my cards right and if circumstances allow for it, i might get attached sooner than u guys think.. but its about whether i want to really.. bein with her.. well, there're plenty of problems i can think of.. but then again, we've been havin lotsa chemistry these few days and well, we'll just see about it.. for now.. lets get closer and at the same time, i gotta pass my supps.. heh.. rite then.. its late.. i gtg now.. but before that, a thought crash landed into my head today..

If you don't get your hopes too high or expect too much, you wont be disappointed and may even be pleasantly surprised when what u wouldve expected actually does happen.

Ah cliches.. love them.. heh..

Happily Confused

2005-12-28T06:02:00.000-08:00

Ron

Please dun ask me why im happily confused.. u'll be the millionth person to do so.. heh.. but yes, ive been pretty happy with life and all this few days.. studies are goin well.. on schedule and im grasping most of my concepts well enough.. i wanna pass man.. and after that im gonna work like shit hard so i can actually get nice grades.. the days of seeing As on my papers were too long gone.. i miss them.. and not to mention the fact that bein smart will definitely improve my "girls wanna hit on you" points.. haha.. but thats not so important now.. hmmm.. oh yes, im feeling free from troubles with girls now.. its sort of a relieve after all that depression the past 2 months or so.. strangely enough im feeling good on this last week of hols when i should be dreadin the return to school.. But God is good and he's really setting my paths straight now.. lettin me see my priorities, lettin me be there for those who need me when they need me.. i like that feeling.. when people come up to you to tell u their problems and all.. it tells u how much ppl respect u and actually listen to ur advice.. ahh.. reminds me why im in SIG after all.. yes yes ronson's resuming his role as part time counsellor.. haha.. and theres really no need for me to try to hit on any girl now.. that 'she' from who knows how long ago is currently history.. another satisfied friend of mine.. heh.. currently developing stronger bonds with other frens.. talkin more and the usual.. listenin to problems, sharing laughs, goin out.. cool stuff.. so yeah, upgradin from temporary id-id bonds to stronger pd-pd ones.. if im gonna upgrade to like covalency then that'll take some effort.. for girls la..

OH! CONGRATS TO GAN FOR HIS PROMOTION!!! AISEH.. VICE CHAIRMAN..

yes, i just found that out.. haha.. so where was i .. ah yes, commenting on how stable my friendships are now.. and yes, they are! haha.. actually i have a pretty good chance with this girl but yeah, im just not very enthu and apprehensive abt whether i should jio her la.. i mean there're so many possible probs tt mite arise from such a relationship so.. hmm.. currently on standby.. heh.. maybe when im more certain of my chances, her intentions and a possible future den i'll step up the pace.. and tell u guys.. haha.. so till then.. hush hush top secret stuff.. lol.. rite then, the slave driver sister cracks her whip.. WHUPAH! and no, gwee, ure not the onli one who knows whip wielding women.. i just dun deprive pleasure from it.. haha.. later guys..

stars.

2005-12-22T04:24:00.000-08:00

maybe its the loneliness that comes in the middle of the night, when you just know that no one's awake. but, dont you ever wonder if there was someone out there feeling just the way you do?

its funny to come back and see that some things have refused to change and others beyond recognition. how things that once seemed eternal have faded away like last summer's leaves or that ice cube in the sun. i feel somewhat detached from everything yet part of it still. i guess no matter how far you go there's always part of you that remains behind.

when i think about it, 6 months doesnt really seem that long. but well, it felt like eternity when i was there. as though my every waking moment was dedicated to coming home. and now that i'm back, i can honestly say it feels good. theres no more pressure of being someone i'm not. and while i know that is really fake of me, i cant help it. its almost a survival mechanism, like i'm judging who i can trust and who i can't. it works of course. just that... everything there seems transient to me. i feel like whatever i do there is just for that moment and then i'll come back here and it'll pass like a dream.

haha its especially good to have friends relatively nearby whom you can actually talk to. that is perhaps the one thing that i really missed. 3 weeks back home doesnot seem long enough but i guess i'll have to make do , no? well, in any case i think i'll this post here. its pretty late and i just mainly wanted to say its good to be home. home is pretty much one of those things you don't really miss till you are far far away for a long long time lmao.

When you cant be there for everyone

2005-12-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

Ron

Ah yes.. life is peaceful.. i wonder if its because of the tranquility and serenity of the night or the sweet sweet release from today's studies.. strangely, im graduadly starting to enjoy these long periods of delving deeper into my books.. perhaps its me, beginning to share the pleasures of the muggers and nerds.. i sure hope it lasts.. these days im startin to feel the stress of the possibility of failure.. i truly must not fail this time..

Yet in peace sometimes do we all long for the exhilaration and thrill of risks and the game. So no different now, least of all now, when i have wallowed long enough in the freedoms of singlehood. After the initial heartbreak, then that short spell of being free of wariness of actions.. truly one of the better moments of my life, when i could do anythin i wanted, talk as much and be as close to any female as i wished.. and after that short rendezvous, then came the depression.. not like the hammer that shatters the dream but rather like the daemon who has always been there, silent, gnawing, and slowly but surely enveloping the whole of your soul.. not unlike the rest of the fools who have fallen prey to this devil of the heart, i have too, become a victim.. Bleeding, slowly dying.. Love is a drug and now i suffer the pains of it or rather its lack thereof.. I still do not regret my actions.. and i am glad she's finding her way in life and moving on. These nights had those pains relentlessly nagging at me and attempting to beat me into submission. Indeed i confess my weakness of will and more often than naught have i been wondering about possibilities with certain girls i knew.. Yet now, after spending a day in almost absolute isolation from any contact with the fairer sex, i came to my senses and realised that i could not bear losing these friendships that meant so dearly to me.. so i woke up and suddenly i felt this sense of peace wash over me.. I trust that Him above would lead me to her one day, whoever that her may be.

I love talkin like that.. its so funky.. lol.. blog ppl blog.. anw, im feelin fine now.. well, sorta.. girls.. trouble really.. but what wld we do without them.. heh.. driftin further frm one, drawin closer to another.. life is so full of strange happenings.. God truly works in mysterious ways..

Run

2005-12-18T06:14:00.000-08:00

Ron

Hmmmm.. today was quite interestin.. well, maybe just the start of the day.. and i had some stuff to think abt at nite.. so it was pretty ok..

Rite, so after church, which i slept thru most of the service, i met up with dance buddy hsi lyiang and had lunch at cine.. apparently there was this opening event held at 9th floor of cine and so we went there to check it out.. all i gotta say is, WOAH SHIT.. the whole of 9th floor was converted to a gaming zone la.. there was the open arena with like heck knows how many million coms there and tvs with xbox consoles and couches.. u can also buy movie tix frm there, watch performances, and the coolest part is tt they have these lil rooms with 2 or 4 coms and 1 or 2 consoles in them where ppl can just slack ard and game their asses off.. lol.. ultimately, cool stuff.. as it was the openin ceremony, we were walkin ard when some random guy wif a mike came up to us and offered us to try out the free gamin sessions.. so we were like.. oh free ah? ok.. and we sat in front of the com for like 3 hrs plus.. lol.. the coms are damn good.. and the fact tt it was free.. HAPPINESS.. lol.. sadly it was the last day of the event so we probably werent gonna return there anytime soon.. den the guy was like excuse me, wanna take part in our quake 4 competition? and i was like hell yeah.. so i pwned all their asses, comin in overall champion and winnin a new com..

RRRRIIITTEEE..

haha.. i bet u all believed me for a sec rite.. lol.. jack.. haha.. it was late la.. so i had to wait for another chance to pwn their asses.. awww.. rofl.. ok, so after that we asked the prices.. the coms and consoles are 3.50 per hr plus free drink for consoles.. RRRIIIPPPPP!!! its like only 2 bucks at btp la.. but pro coms so.. nuthin to say.. lol.. the rooms are 10 bucks per hr for the 2 coms 1 console and 20 for the 4 coms 2 console.. actually.. if u take the small rm u can have 6 dudes playin in there.. and den u split the cost its like 1.666666(recurring) per hr only! lol.. not bad.. sig shld go there and slack la.. haha.. like game while waitin for our movie ya know? so cool.. haha.. then we left and i bot a cd by snow patrol.. pretty gd really.. mmm.. tay comin back tmr.. sadly at 8am.. so we cant really fetch him.. oh wells.. so anw i went homw.. read my bk and slept..

the book im readin now is called A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin.. its so damn good.. seriously.. a long read but u'll never regret it.. its book one of a trilogy and shit, if i can find the books i'll surely buy the whole series la.. GO READ!!! haha..

Rite so somethin happened just now btween me and debs and as usual, miscommunication resulted in me gettin scolded again la.. sigh.. but as we werent attached i really tried my best to keep anythin i had to say to myself after that.. its so hard to stifle the urge to explain urself but i guess it was best to compromise, take it in one's stride and know it within you rite? so fine, i just ended the conversation asap.. darn, im losin my gentlemanly qualities.. its just this, almost intrinsic, quality within me to wanna poke at my lady frens everytime i get the chance.. which is fun for one but too much wld really be a baaad idea.. i mean she may not display it but really, her view of u wld slowly but steadily deprove.. which i really think is slowly happenin to me.. sigh.. and i gotta stop actin retarded.. haha.. damn.. okay then, i'll start goin back to my niceties and all.. HAH! watch out ladies! raunchson is gonna be there to charm u off ur feet in a theatre near you! heh..

Am i still moody? i wonder.. i think im mostly happy.. but deep down inside theres this temptress who's always whisperin in my ear, taunting, seducing me to walk down the dark alley of emo rock and depressive moods again.. i really need all the distractions i can get now.. outings, friends, gaming, even God forbid, studies.. talkin abt studies i really have to get into hardcore mode soon.. two more weeks b4 supps.. Dear Lord dun let me fail this one..

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder

And we'll run for our lives

I can hardly speak I understand

Why you can't raise your voice to say

For you to notice me..

2005-12-13T06:56:00.000-08:00

Ron

SIGH.. isnt it strange.. i just realised that sigh has sig in it.. hmm.. anw, been feelin pretty down these few days.. i really have absolutely no idea why.. i realised that i miss the feelin of bein in love.. the feelin of knowin theres someone who'll reply u with msges that warm ur heart whenever u msg her.. the feelin of knowin theres someone who'll go out with ya whenever u ask.. well, i did ask for it and i dun really regret it ya know? its just times like this when u think about the things you let go of.. the whole heart vs mind thing again yeah? and the worse thing is that wad i want now is not debbie per se.. its just someone to love ya noe? like the cravin to be in love again.. as i mentioned b4, love is a drug and i guess now im feelin the withdrawal symptoms.. painful painful..

Sure, there're many wonderful girls ard me in my life but after good frens it stops there ya noe? like not enough chemistry or wadever.. i mean, there're these 2 girls and i really really like them alot but not in that "The Interest" way but rather of a more sister kinda thing.. and then theres that she frm my dunno how long ago post.. well, i do admit i had a really ultra ultra small thing for her but when i considered the chances i really dun think so.. i mean, firstly, she's not exactly into r'ships.. coz of age, studies, and the truly annoying perception that a bf will tie her down.. secondly she's a hard nut to crack.. she's so closed abt stuff and well, we cant talk much ya know.. lastly, ppl think she's a flirt coz she hangs out with guys too much.. which means.. i can't go out with her!!! ARGH.. so oh well, i said it before that i'll be more than satisfied if she's my gd fren so.. i'll stick to it.. i prayed to God before on the day tt i couldnt stop thinkin abt her tt if she be the one, let it be but if she's not then open my eyes to it.. and well, i think he really has.. frm the zero chemistry to the amazing number of obstacles in our way and finally when i got the link to her blog frm one of my frens.. strangely, readin it made me really sure that it wont happen.. depressed.. sort of.. but nonetheless certain.. so look at our conversations with a different light and hey, maybe we will be the frens i dreamt we'll be.. :)

i have a confession to make: i secretly desire for the one day when some girl wld tell me that she fancies me.. oh well.. another crazy thought but don't we all deep down? hmmm..

i didnt study at all today.. i dota-ed, read books, watched tv, surfed the nest and even dug out my old gba to play.. im mad.. barely 2 and a half weeks more to my supps and im not even halfway thru.. sigh.. someone force me to study pls.. i must not fail.. seriously.. i miss goin out.. but actually i need the rite company to go out with.. there're some ppl im really startin to get sick of but aint got the balls to tell them for fear of destroyin a peaceful friendship.. to those lying, bullshittin, perfectly annoying hypocrtical bastards out there who are tryin so damn hard to fit in but are lookin like complete retards in the end, screw you.. really.

sorry, im not in the best of moods rite now.. one nite, after i went out with two of my nicer frens, i lied in bed and started missing being in the company of genuine frens whom u can trust to keep ur secrets, to spill everythin and not feel shy.. SIG, and strangely, a couple of female frens too.. why izzit tt i can talk so easily to girls? i think im turnin metro and im freakin freaked out abt tt la.. seriously.. that night, i felt so empty, lost and lonely.. that night i almost broke down and cried..

Oh well, life huh?

cant wait for the next sig gathering..

and btw i found an alternative rock channel on the wmp radio thing.. quite me.. cool.. heh..

backspace

2005-12-13T04:10:00.000-08:00

i'm typing this when i really ought to be doing homework. it doesnt really matter though. the anticipation of going home is pushing most things aside right now.

it is funny though. i somehow have developed this expectation that when i finally go home, everything will be perfect again. and nothing ever is. previous experience indicates i ought not to expect anything at all. i am sure this brief period of being home will be good, fun and generally great. but it probably wont live up to what i feel it will be.

maybe i'm just cynical. but isnt one of those things like dreams? when you have the notion that it will be the be-all-end-all of everything and finally reach your destination, somehow it isnt as well, magical as you thought it will be.

and the best part is that while my head knows this, i still cant get rid of this feeling and it is somewhat, annoying. i prefer not to have expectations, so that when i do something, it'll feel even more fun, not like it was just filling up the criteria for enjoyment. or hell, even expect something to be bad, cause when it ends up good, you'll feel even better. like one of those camps that you dont want to go cause you think its goin to be hell but somewhere along the line when you are there, you just kinda start enjoying it.

gah. maybe i think too much about it. but its also kind of hard not to. i havent seen home in 6 months. then again, what is home? i guess its the people that make some place home, not the physical place itself. hrm, or is it just emotional attachment? i mean we can get emotionally attached to objects as well right?

oh well. maybe the stress of waiting to get on that damn plane is finally getting to me. dont get me wrong, going home feels great. but for some reason, the matter of how great its going to be makes me uncertain. i know it shldnt matter but i'm just an idiot who cant get over it. haha nvm me. i've got 6 days left... looking forward to seeing all of you soon :)

OMGERS

2005-12-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

Hello brothers,

Good to hear that things are looking up. I'd put a smiley face at the end of this sentemce, but my sexual orientation is already in question.

Anyway, i just got back this afternoon, and miracle of miracles, kan just got back too. So its sig outing on saturday(10dec). Please check your phones, we can't hijack the tv broacast stations and flash the 4 codenames to mobilise our unit.

Ron, you write frikking long entries. I needed to pee even before the commercial break. Always the dramtist.

Tay, fulfilled your destiny at last. You were born to be the sexy beast. Go get em tiger.

So I was watching channel [V] in china and they played Blackeyedpeas' My humps. Omg the video was damn funny lah.

Okay, see you tomorrow.

ABRACADABRA!!! or wadever..

2005-12-03T07:43:00.000-08:00

Ron

Rite.. today was pretty cool.. went out with letitia to catch a movie.. well, the original plan was to watch a 10 am screenin of just like heaven.. but when i got to lido, it wasnt showin.. and neither was cine.. so in the end we bought the 1120 show for pride and prejudice.. the funny thing was that while walkin around halfway, she went..

"Im actually watchin the show for Kiera Knightly"
"Well, so am i"

Hahahaha.. was pretty funny.. which led me to think.. why izzit that girls can think other girls are hot and sound normal while guys sayin guys are hot is just plain gay? hmmm.. sexual discrimination.. not that i wanna comment on any guys but.. u know??? haha.. so anw when we reached the usher, we suddenly realised that we bought the 1120 pm show instead of the am one!!! disaster.. luckily there was this guy who helped us change the tix.. and we watched harry potter instead.. ok, fine i admit despite all my protests to watch it, thinkin it bein dumb and all, it was pretty good.. :) i liked the dragon.. although i wished they showed the other 3 too.. i liked the scene when cedric died and harry brought him back.. sad.. and they did it really well.. BUT MOST OF ALL.. VOLDEMORT.. my gosh that guy rocks la.. think he went to the same plastic surgeon as MJ.. his nose looks like it dropped off.. haha.. and his funky KKK-lookalike-loser-skull-faced-cronies.. damn cool.. i wanna be a dark lord too.. haha.. i think the scene when he got summoned way really cool.. like his cloak appeared from smoke.. like WOAH.. DARN COOL.. bad guys rock la.. haha.. anw, i think potter's jacket looks dumb.. example below.. yux..

i mean seriously, difficult times lie ahead harry? well, hell yeah if ure gonna go to magic school lookin like a doofus.. lol.. ok, tts damn bad.. ok la.. so so la the jacket.. voldemort still rocketh my socketh.. :P

Oh yes btw stayover at kan's hse on 10th or 11th ok?

ABRACADABRA!!! or wadever.. (killing spell)

Cya ard.. :)

SIG Facts

2005-12-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

hey bros. it's the relationship pro here. hahaha.

seems like ron's as bored as i am. anyway, i jus thought up of something. we gotta come up with like sig facts or stuff like that. got the idea from ron. haha. we'll do this list when tay aka sexy beast gets back. heh.

woah. tay, sounds like ya got it goin man. got all the gals at the party steamed up eh. haha. damn man. wish i coulda been there. haha. wat nonsense dude. i'd have made a fool of myself if i went to dance there. anyway, the people there sound like my school people. don't know what good breaking is. seriously, if i do a simple handstand they'll go WOW or COOL. heh. and when i do a kip-up they'll think it's the coolest shit. haha. oh well. at least our basic break moves impress ppl. haha

Glassgow Kiss

2005-12-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

Ron

OMG G3 is damn good.. oh, for the uneducated G3 is made up of Steve Vai, Joe Satriani and John Petrucci(who happens to be my fave amongst the 3).. the three Guitar Gods.. woah.. damn pro la.. like how can their fingers fly across the strings so fast??? damn.. im addicted.. and im also addicted to Fort Minor.. shit u la Muj.. all ur fault.. haha.. but their CD is really good.. go get it if u like hip hop.. :)

So today's been pretty borin.. woke up my latest today.. 1030.. like wth la.. i think im wastin my life slpin so much.. 10 hours of slp a day aint very good.. well at least my studies are coming by quite well.. juzt hope ive got enough time the next few weeks to finish and revise everythin.. and my rather busy dec schedule aint helpin.. well, at least im not goin overseas.. ok btw i have a tiny request.. can u guys put down the dates ure available so everyone's sure when we can have our outings and all? thanks peeps..

About the SIG rules thing.. u know it started out as SIG facts.. if u read me post carefully.. coz rules are like stuff to abide to but i meant them as things that are good to know and all.. but either way it'll do.. anw, there was once when i was talkin to gwee and we talked abt comin up wif this SIG handbook.. talks abt etiquette, dates, shoplistings and stuff lidat.. its a kind of survivor's handbook for us siggies.. pretty cool i thought.. and cooler still if it was like the date doctor.. alleged urban myth.. transferred by word of mouth and stuff ya noe? maybe we cld work on it one day? haha.. when we're bored of course.. lol..

Ok.. so here's the music ive been listenin to lately:

Thats (clockwise from top left):

Fort Minor: The Rising Tied

Death Cab For Cutie: Plans

G3: Live In Tokyo

The Coral: The Invisible Invasion

Good music my peeps.. u shld all go listen to tt too.. ask me for a sample when ure online and i'll send ya one.. :) k then.. i'll cya ard yeah? cant wait for our thang..

"Close your eyes be free

Let me take your pain

Count to ten

Fear not the Boogeyman

Go to sleep

Lets play a-gain"

Intro - The Music Box of Dreams

call sign

2005-12-01T15:36:00.000-08:00

guys, the sexy beast is back in the house lol

today was pretty gd i suppose. for one, i had chicken rice which is like impossible to get over here. a friend's mum cooked it for my sis and i so i was feeling really gd.

what really took the cake however, was the sixth form christmas party. lemme explain, sixth form is basically the UK's j1 and j2s equivalents. the party was held at the school's "bar". i had one pint of beer then i go get moving and grooving and basically being true to dance lol. all was going not too bad, i was enjoying myself just hanging loose with no girl in particular but still enjoying being able to dance to really great music.

somewhere along the line (basically when they were playin n-sync's dirty pop) i started the old scout moves and tt soon evolved into breaking. haha i hate to sound boastful or anytihn but i got a circle just for myself and it was the only circle of the night. lol quite strange since i was just doin the old borin footwork and nth else. cant do much other than tt. the crowd went wild and after that there were ppl shaking my hands and telling me how awesome that was which to be honest, was...quite sad. i mean like if they saw kev ho's flips or gan's moves, they'd like...go in to a heart attack i think.

and you know what the strangest thing is? my boarding house guys think i'm like some hero la. damn odd. oh well.

therefore, it is with great honour that i add SIG rule no.368 (i want to know what the first 366 are lol) : if you are in a UK club, just break using whatever moves you got, dont care what they are, ppl will love you.

May the SIG be with you.

disclaimer: shawn is writing this after running 8km and having danced non stop for almost an hours. his brain is not in at the moment so do leave a message if you need to. please ignore whatever you dislike. thank you.

Different names for the same thing

2005-12-01T05:40:00.000-08:00

Ron

"Everyone's losing their minds, healthy in paranoid times"

WOW.. yesterday was pretty interestin.. if not detrimental to my image but still pretty fun.. at least theres like SOMETHIN happenin.. ok here's wad happened...

*Soap opera theme song plays*
"And these are the days of our lives.."

K, i was supposed to lunch with debs yesterday but she couldnt make it.. so i asked another fren and she told me like half an hour after the supposed meetin time that she was busy.. damn.. so i decided to ask this fren tt i knew relatively well recently out and to my honest surprise, she actually agreed.. which was pretty cool since it was on such short notice.. was pretty happy coz i had someone to lunch with and i could know her better over lunch.. like get another good girl fren i can talk to..

*SIG fact no.367(the first 366 are not sutiable for the younger audience and have been banned from being mentioned here-Thank you Board of Censors.. biatches..) : Female friends are very good company and great to talk to for the purpose of knowledge of the opposite sex and gossip you'll never know about*

.. so anw i rushed down to holland thinkin i'll be late and its real bad for guys to be late so yeah.. in the end i waited for abt 45 mins for her to come.. like wth.. waste my life.. i quote "theres fashionably late and theres catastrophically late.." but while walkin ard i got some inspiration for somethin i was workin on.. great! but before she arrived she dropped the bomb on our protagonist here..

"Hi, im coming now, i'll be with Darren and a couple of frens k?"

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! well, not that exaggerated but my heart dropped for a moment.. not really coz it wont be a one on one but really coz im not too familiar with those people and.. argh.. awkward awkward.. so much for gettin to know her better.. i already knew how i'll end up behavin.. sittin quietly on one side and lookin like im occupied with some stuff.. bleagh.. from a social flip to a social-less flop.. sigh..

Hang in there for a moment while Ronson eats his fast melting ice cream.. mmmacademia

Commercial

My brother's goin on a journey, i want to bring him good fortune. Five birds.

Ok back.. where was i.. ahh yess.. So we ate at BK.. wasnt as bad as i thought it wldve been.. sat with 3 other ppl i sorta knew.. her, darren and this other girl who shall now be known as Cabbage (yes, as far as i can, im tryin to mask identities.. i'll tell u guys if u push me hard enough but not on public webspace. oh and if u think cabbage stands for anythin, it just happened to be the first thing that came into my head).. so after lunch ronson goes home thinkin ok, cool.. i got to know some ppl a tad better.. and here's where the excitement begins (No, i have not reached the climax.. sorry, i like to take things slow and enjoy every stimulating moment that eventually leads to the OH sensation)

So that night i come online and soon after so did she.. talked like an hour when suddenly she said see la u, got me in trouble wif Cabbage today.. and i was like wad happened.. basically, cabbage thought that i was a very dubious person and i was flirtin with her by askin her out for lunch, Cabbage scolded her for either bein so gullible or for bein so flirty with guys too.. apparently she hangs out wif guys alot.. I was pretty irritated at Cabbage then coz i actually thought that she'd make a nice fren but turns out she actually suspects me of such stuff.. like wth la.. i was feelin damn insulted.. i mean if u have that narrow mindset that if a guy asks a girl out it must onli be coz he wants to hit on her, keep it to urself girl.. dun go ard scoldin ppl for tt.. oh well.. i refuse to be pissed at her coz for one, i know Cabbage onli had my fren's well being in mind and anw, Cabbage is a nice person from what i hear.. so.. oh well, i'll watch my actions i guess.. sigh.. But that doesnt mean i'll hold back on askin me gal peeps out.. i aint a player la.. im nice.. haha.. oh well.. so fun fun.. excitement and controversies.. i wonder wad'll happen if i pretend to flirt with her.. KIDDIN.. but honestly i have to admit that she's really really good lookin.. ALL IN THE NAME OF HONESTY AND FRIENDSHIP OF COURSE.. NO STRINGS ATTACHED.. Im not a flirt dammit.. :(

So from this whole experience i concluded on some stuff and learnt some stuff:
1. Cabbage may have been the reason why all her frens came with her
2. Never judge a book by its cover. I actually exchanged some lines of conversation with Cabbage in BK and she seemed pretty ok with me but who wldve guessed.. sigh..
3. The quarrel btween Cabbage and her was the reason she seemed pretty unhappy at BK..
4. Networking, although fun and all, is a super risky thing.. initiatin a conversation and introducin urself to someone u barely know has different outcomes dependin on the person's character.. here's an example of the wonderful(her) and the wary(Cabbage)..
5. ALWAYS walk the lady to as far as u can go before goin back EVEN if its a million light years away or so.. i shouldve walked her to her bus stop before goin back to mine.. but i didnt.. Stupid.
6. It is SO SO possible to ask someone out and not like her.. its just how do u do that without looking like u like her thats the problem..
7. Cabbage is a stupid substitute for a name..

So yesterday was really quite memorable and as much as i try, i somehow cant get the image of her in her funky specs(OMG they look like mine!!!) and smiling at me as i did to her for that one, almost magical moment..

No, ive not fallen for her.. i just found it nice.. haha..

Wth.. stop thinkin guys.. im gonna slp now..

Stay tuned for the next episode of..

Days of our lives

NOT

*Credits*

Thank You ITF

Goodnite peeps.. :) blog pls..

"And all the 'Best Deceptions' and the 'Clever Cover Stories' awards, go to you.."

BORING

2005-11-30T23:30:00.000-08:00

crap. holidays are quite boring. been doing nothing except go for training and play playstation 2. same old mundane routine day in day out. would like to go out or just hang out but everyone seems busy. anyway, my friend just introduced me to this band called sugarcult. yes, you guys probably have heard memory. but their other songs are not bad too. i kinda like bruises and she's the blade.

well. i'm glad to see that ron is alright now. take it from my brother. he broke up with his girl too. and he says at this age, don't easily believe that the one you're with will be the one you spend the rest of your life with. good advice huh.

damn man. she's away in australia. miss her like mad la. haha. though it's like a week only it feels like a damn freaking long time. ahhhhh. at least she'll be back on saturday =). then hopefully we'll go out next week. haha. speaking of outings, WE NEED A SIG OUTING!

They laid me on the bed, they drilled my head, the incision bleddddddd....

2005-11-30T05:11:00.001-08:00

Ron

Ahhh.. it seems no one has blogged in an uber long while.. hmmm.. not sure wad to say though.. lol.. oh, for my concerned bros of SIG, im pretty much ok now.. :) and the best thing is that she and i are are still pretty good frens despite havin broken up.. which is much more than i can ask for really.. well, life goes on and im thankful for bein so blessed.. strangely enough, there're lotsa peeps breakin up ard me too.. which is so disturbing.. and sad too.. thought most of them would last.. den again, most thought i'd have lasted too.. oh well.. life..

ANW.. i bot 3 cds in the last two days.. fort minor's 'the rising tied', Death Cab For Cutie's 'Plans' and The Coral's 'The Invisble Invasion'.. Pretty ok all 3 of them, although The Coral needs some gettin used to.. they sound like a mix of Franz Ferdinand and electrico.. can only listen to them when im in my a few screws loose modes i think hmmm..

so life goes on

bleagh

OMG i cant wait for the SIG outing

somebody blog pls...

sighs...

2005-11-30T05:11:00.000-08:00

switch.

2005-11-22T15:50:00.000-08:00

" a generation of men raised by women " - tyler durden in fight club

we know that the world has changed when guys have become more complexed than girls. sounds absurd right? but to be honest, it really isnt. the saying that guys have the emotional range of a tea spoon no longer really applies. the traditional expectations of the male gender has evolved so much over the years that a man in 1970 probably wont be able to recognise his modern day counterpart.

today, us guys are not only expected to maintain our image of society's macho protectors but we also have to be able to understand and empathise with females. doesnt that sound somewhat unfair? we must show uncompromising strength and solidarity and yet, we must be able to get in touch with our inner selves or else we are simply " cave men ". what gives girls the right to christen us so?

the female pysche is after all, somewhat easier to understand. the one almighty premise is that all girls are in touch with their feelings. as such we have tip toe around them and try to ensure that we do not step a landmine which would send them into a ballistic fit. i know it sounds rather insensitive but honestly, girls ought to de-sensitise and well, not take everything like its an insult to them. i'll probably be blasted for the lack of political correctness and sensitivity to their feelings and it'll only show us how easy it is to predict girls' actions.

in what way is this fair to guys? if we blame girls to their insensitivity to our own feelings, a large proportion of them would probably scoff and proclaim " What feelings?!?!" thereby furthering the emotional damage to MANkind. is it no wonder that us guys are more complex? i would be as dramatic as to say that we are sadly misunderstood nowadays and it is the girls who possess the reknown male cluenesses.

there will of course, be guys who are undoubtedly comfortable in their positions of unfeeling men and i'm not saying that they are all wrong for not being able to fully empathise with others and neither am i generalising all girls. but one thing is that females really ought to realise that some guys do have feelings too and as such, treat us like actual humans, not rocks that imitate homo sapiens.

in any case, this is written at 0016 am in the morning. as such, please free to ignore the ramblings of a very very tired shawn who has had a very trying day.

Breaking Up

2005-11-16T21:10:00.000-08:00

Breakups.

They hurt like hell.

But sometimes, it's the only way to go.

Though we don't like it, people in our life come and go.

When they enter our life, they bring happiness. Lots of it.

But when they leave, it hurts so much.

We all experience it sooner or later.

That is, until we meet the one we are to spend our life with.

-Untitled-

2005-11-15T23:25:00.000-08:00

Ron

Thats it then.

I broke up.

Please don't ask me why.

Maybe i'll tell u guys one day

But another day.

I just wonder if i did the right thing

To hurt a girl, no, a lady so deeply.

I still do love you debbie

And i'll remember you always as the one who changed my life.

I'm so so sorry.

"You say that love goes anywhere

In your darkest time,

it's just enough to know it's there

When you go, I'll let you be

But you're killing everything in me"

Polaris- Jimmy Eat World

Dance this is the way they'd love If they knew how misery loved me

2005-11-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

Ron

Sigh.. i wish i'd be happy again.. with decisions weighing down on me and the consequences of a choice i mite regret, life cant get any worse.. well, at least there're frens around me who are oblivious to my problems and are happy with their lives. stragngely, it is the ppl who dun talk to ya bout sad stuff tt cheer u up. those who's happiness are so contagious u really cant help but feel happy too. it really helps ya noe? to have ur life lightened up by a person of, not ignorance per se but more of obliviousity.. is there such a word? hmmm.. but we cant run frm the fact tt our problems will always be there can we? its like our shadow, while i can look away and ignore it, it'll still be there forever, attached to my body.. i cant wait to settle this dammit. And then there are the people around me who are down too. yesterday i tried to help mouse wif her really complicated probs but i cldnt. maybe it was the fact tt i have absolutely no experience wif such probs but i think the majority of it was my bad mood.. sigh.. but nvm me now, im pretty displeased tt the long-anticipated full strength SIG meeting in dec is now not a possibility.. sigh.. how now? maybe durin the start of next yr? hmmm.. we gotta tell each other our plans man.. bleagh.. ok so i was sittin at my NEWLY PACKED DESK (gosh, im so proud of myself.. heh.. ) when the song dance dance by fallout boy popped into my head.. and damn, i cldnt get it out.. after a while i was thinkin.. wouldnt it be cool if i choreographed a dance to tt song? pretty hard coz its rock but i was thinkin of infusing ballroomish dance to a rock/hip hop style.. very rojak but i think it mite work.. think Helena by MCR.. hmmm.. i'll work on it.. and now tt hitomi juz sent me the song, ive no excuse not to do it! hmmm.. well maybe studies.. ah dammit.. :(

fade

2005-11-12T14:41:00.000-08:00

what do we do when we wake up and realise that all that surrounds us, is just temporary?
an image of something that wont hold up to scrutinisation, just another smoky hologram of now?

i feel like i'm in a fix...at somewhere i don't belong and have no part to play in. today someone told me that i should be myself and i'll fit in just fine, not to go round looking for acceptance and validation. whatever bonds i have made here, they are fragile in my grasp, a thin line i walk upon, its tension stronger than its strength. it is as enlightening as walking into a room and find that noone there wants you to talk to them and would rather you piss off and leave them all alone.

are our lives on this plane superficial? just a brief inhalation of life and then we pass on into eternal nothingness. what defines us when our time is so short? are we destined to become just like one another in the end, a statistic on a death list, a faceless member of the crowd. what makes us all different when in the end, we all bleed the same blood and move on into the same death? would our acheivements, as great as they may be, be overshadowed by this fact?

what gives us meaning when all we can acheive in the end is just death? why fill this life with everything when you will lose it in the end? is it to make this transition from birth to death easier? is life merely the crossing over into another more meaningful existence?

it may seem to have no relation to what i feel now but i am wondering why i try so hard to fit in? i sit on the line now, between the new overseas pupils who are forming their cliques and bonds and the existing hierachy. to join one would mean abandoning the other. there is little room for compromise and to compromise is to be neither here nor there. a miserable existence in limbo. perhaps not miserable but certainly not easy. all these seem so important most of the time but in my more confused moments of abstraction i wonder if fitting in is so crucial. does it truly matter who you hang out with? in the end all these will fade. its different from sig. i am pretty sure i will hardly ever see these ppl again when i leave. why do i care so much? in retrospect, it is somewhat like life and death. i am merely passing through here to return back to home. the ashes of this ending wont ever haunt me. so why do i care?

and the wings that you burn

turns to ashes my dear

and ashes just fall

to the ground

something corporate - only ashes

On sleepless roads the sleepless go

2005-11-11T11:44:00.000-08:00

Ron

The bittersweet situation
A love in wanting
Unable to satisfy
To them, the world spins
To me, the world stops

So life. how many problems will pass us by in our lifetime before we are finally strong enough to overcome them all? before we are truly tried and tested. when can we escape this forlorn world. of strife and suffering? when u need time to think but every word from her forces u to think sooner. the stress. the consequences. which is greater? to go by your heart and choose what is most obvious? or to take your time and consider the weight of your decision? temporary happiness in exchange for the long spell of depression? or to let go now to spare yourself from such pain?

Stationary, its black and white
But the truth, the moving truth
Is marred by these shades of grey
Show me simplicity
Show me clarity
Hide me not behind this porcelain mask

How painful that nothing but Him is as it appears. How sad that we are all caught in this machine. Our perfect world of imperfections. The hopes that thrive on our paranoia. Those that live as a mayfly, merely a day. That they be snuffed out like a candle in the cool updraft of winter's night. To leave us all in the darkness of our lives again. Haunted by the demons of our minds and the embodiment of our dark emotions; hysteria. fear. hatred. Who will light my way? To that clear path on which i see my footprints of not long ago. Bring me life. Bring me sight. Bring me wisdom. Bring me love.

Dreams and visions
The great and secret play
Fantasies and thoughts
The infinite sea of freedom
Take me there again please

What thoughts lie in our minds only we know. The deepest darkest secrets that will forever remain there. Tempted out rarely by the mind-numbing stupor of alcohol. Or the guilt in confession. In solitude, we take a peak there, hearts racing with the heaviness of guilty pleasures. Sex, lies and the socially unaccepted. Yet no, these are not our sources of inspiration. These are merely stories in our secret black book. The true thoughts. Those that we hold on to. Those with the innocence and naievity of children. That is true pleasure. To swim in those calm waters of serenity. No heartbreaks, no grudges, only golden bliss.

Stop hiding in this skin
But I can't
Show your pain
No I won't
Made to heal
But no one to heal me

Another boring day

2005-11-05T18:06:00.000-08:00

just got back frm training. kena gangbanged by my teammates cuz of da stupid teacher. he anyhow said it was my birthday. den dey all advanced on me and i got violated. haha. paddled 8km. quite slack.

ron. dat centaur isn a buff king la. my arms r almost as big as his. so does dat make me a buff king? no way. hahaha. but i will b after da hols. cuz of all da training.

anyway, i noe wat 2 do about her already. come on man. since when did i ever not noe wat 2 do about a girl. wahaha. 4 gdness sake, i'm GAN, da most experienced of SIG =p. haha.ah well. things r looking gd. we've been talking alot lately. and i mean ALOT. haha. we need an sig outing! den i can give u guys an update. lotsa cool stuff i found out recently. heh.

OMG! wth r rashguards? haha. i suppose it's things which protect u frm rashes??? heh. anyway, it's cool dat ppl r reading our blog. hmm. we shld let ppl wif relationship problems come here and tell us their problems. den we give advice. dat'll b cool =)

Rash guards?

2005-11-04T11:48:00.000-08:00

HAHAHAHAHA.. heres the buff king frm Narnia i was talkin abt.. Quite gay really.. lol.. anw Gan, its not too bad a thing la.. but u cant rush it yeah? give her space, give her time.. stay back but be there when she needs u.. like be ready for her call or somethin anytime la.. try to see the both of u as juz frens for the time being.. act like nothin happened.. otherwise its gonna be really awkward.. and also if u stay low u wont be too hurt if she says no.. not cursin u or anythin.. just.. u know.. all the best man.. ure pro at this.. heh.. :) anw, did u see the comment for ur post??? RASHGUARDS??? hahahahhahahahha.. psychodelic.. :P

2005-11-04T10:11:00.000-08:00

about da posting ur dates thingy, here's mine:

9th: op

haha. dat's about it. super sian. other den my training of course. which is like 4 times a wk. yup. dinner, tomyamgoong, dessert, pool and stayover sounds gd. hmm. personally i think sat nite to sun morning is best. cuz if we had it on fri nite to sat morning, i'd have 2 wake up early 2 go 4 training. which means u guys have 2 leave early. haha. TAY AND KAN, COME BACK SOON!!! haha.

btw, here's an update on my situation. she says she needs more time. dat's it. but i'm fine wif dat. i dun mind waiting

The Great Night Out

2005-11-04T00:01:00.000-08:00

Another day of boredom at home.. well, at least today i spent my time paintin.. which is rather time consumin.. and tts a gd thing.. at least im not left wonderin wad to do. BUT the bad thing is tt im supposed to have started studyin abt 2 days back.. yet till now ive been procrastinating all the way.. ok, i must start tmr yeah? ive pretty much ran out of Warmachine models to paint.. only left 3.. sigh.. which means i prob gotta start paintin my skaven rats.. or Grey knights.. which arent half as fun to paint.. or as easy for tt matter.. concernin tt is anyone here willin to revive their Warmachines and play wif me again? ive amassed a lil army of abt 17 models now and still havent played a game since sec4.. how sad.. pls do consider.. esp wif all ur free time durin the hols.. sigh.. im still thinkin of tt nite at trick or treat.. darn i wish it would happen again.. i need a great night out.. i need to get more Warmachine models to paint.. i need a new vid card(OMG ATI Radeon x1800 series costs 400+ US!!!) oh yes, i just thought abt somethin.. im planin to restructure and revamp my room this hols so anyone got any idea on somethin cool to add in it? like somethin practical and wld still look nice in a small room? tell me yeah? :) k, we need a SIG outin real soon my peeps.. otherwise i'll be findin randoms to go out wif.. NOOoooooo.. oh wells.. anw, here are my dates..

OP on the 10th, thurs.

look how free i am.. seriously.. we need an outin.. lol.. Oh btw i juz saw Jessica Alba Seow on the new Tiger ad on the rockson blog.. lol.. go nosebleed to death Muj.. haha..

oh yes, check out this buff king frm the upcomin movie, The Chronicles Of Narnia.. haha.. damn Mobilized la.. LOL..

school

2005-11-03T03:07:00.000-08:00

this is starting to look like a message board haha. sorry for the long absence btw.

eh,school just restarted here... had like half term which is basically a one week break lol. feels damn sian. aint nothing much to do. well, other than playing halo haha.

hrm,dont have much to say i guess. feel damn sian over here, like my whole life revolves around school and homework and nothing else. ok, it currently has nothing else other than school and work. yeah.

hrm, got chem test in 45 minutes. would you hate me if i told you its on just mol calculation lol? yeah i better go and study abit. talk to you guys later

tom yam goong.

2005-11-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

Hello siggies. Shall we have a sig outing? Early dinner, tomyumgoong, desert, harass the mobils, pool at gan's (lol, like "breakfast at tiffany's"), Stayover at gan's (if that's okay with gan)

Why don't we all make this easier by listing our OP dates, PW meets and other commitments here.

I'll start,

Monday (PM) - Mock OP
Wednesday - BB NYAA
Friday - Real OP
Saturday - (AM) BB

Saturday (PM) to sunday (AM) sounds good for me. But you guys have church right?

Please reply or something.

~out.

Between the Stars and Waves

2005-11-02T23:25:00.000-08:00

Ron

Sigh.. after the last 4 days of fun and havoc, today's nothing-to-do-ness was such an anticlimax.. its like time suddenly comes to a standstill.. i need to go out.. stuck in this house.. its killing me.. gosh, even if it means wandering town on my own.. sigh.. SIG, we seriously need an outing. What happened to Tom Yam Goong? im still in support for that. So i hear theres another party goin on on the 22nd of Dec.. apparently its sb7's Toren's clique and all.. to go or not to go? sigh.. i really need more life in mine.. oh well.. lets talk abt halloween.. Bought this really funky shirt frm G2000 for bout 40 bucks.. quite gay but kinda pimp.. i like.. heh.. so at first the party was kinda dead.. like onli a few ppl sittin ard and as usual only the female dancers on the dance floor.. so heck, i stoned ard.. got a drink.. waited for somethin to happen.. soon, the place started to increase in ppl, smoke and noise.. was gd.. at least now dancin didnt feel so extra.. party was great.. got to know 3 ppl so it wasnt such a waste goin there.. had like 2 tequilla shots but they were pretty mild so.. bleagh.. 10 bucks wasted.. oh well.. most of the acsi guys were goin ard dancin wif other guys.. was pretty funny.. until u saw two guys attemptin to erotically dance wif each other near u.. negatively disturbing.. seriously.. oh yes of course there were the real heterosexual grindin and erotic dancin here and there.. wonder if i actually knew some of them.. hmmm.. wanted to stay on till like 4 and whack the whole nite but had to go off.. stayed over at muj's place.. quite fun la.. altho we knocked out b4 long.. at 4.. hur hur.. woke up at 11.. missed the class outin the next day.. but wasnt tt sad abt it la.. bought a cd by Rivermaya that day.. pretty good i must say.. im addicted to Balisong.. which, i juz found out doesnt mean Bali-song but actually is fillipino for switchblade.. how cool.. i want the new album.. its onli abt 11 bucks.. but 5 songs, 2 repeats.. aww.. at least better than JEW's new EP.. 19 bucks for 5 songs..

someone bring me to a party
and intro me some more ppl
someone tell me wads EP
and i'll tell u wads Razr...

Random? oh well.. life..

2005-10-31T22:53:00.000-08:00

OMG la! saw gwee and his gal in gothic wif their lips pierced jus now. damn freaky la. so un-gwee-ish. hahaha. i must admit it was pretty cool after i got over da initial shock at seeing da guai guy of sig wif gothic makeup. 2day's training was not too bad. quite slack though. heh. WE NEED A SIG OUTING SOON GUYS!

2005-10-30T09:30:00.000-08:00

hey guys. i finally got my own pool table =). next time we dun have 2 spend cash playing outside. jus come over 2 my place. haha. well. if u guys c me online, remember 2 ask me 2 show u her pic. I TOOK PHOTOS WITH HER! hahaha. damn cool man. and last day of sch too. great end 2 a sch yr. heh. anyway, gotta start training like mad. no. of trainings gonna increase to like 4 times a wk. i'll b a buff king by da end of dis yr. wahaha. ah well. hope 2 c da sig peeps soon man. we need an outing

These could be the best days of our lives

2005-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

Ron

And so here it is, the last day of my j1 year.. lookin back, its been a stupendous year. i don't mind repeating the whole thing again!! wow, think all of us have grown much in terms of character this year, we've matured, we've changed but all for the best definitely. Made friends that i'll remember for life. I'll never regret comin to ac in my entirely life. i met the one im gonna marry 8 years down the road, i fell in love with dance and i now know a whole prism of colourful characters so varied it could blind you. Truly, wad an experience this has been.. unforgettable even if i had amnesia.. forever stuck in my head like ultra strong mammoth glue.. if J1's like this.. oh no.. i dun wanna leave next year!!! sigh.. although SIG's been split up mostly, its really amazing how all of us have managed to stay in contact wif one another isnt it? i mean, all those times when we could have juz laughed over dinner and feel full without even eatin anythin.. the inevitable random comments during movies.. the whole truckload of suggestive innuendo that erhm.. comes.. with every sentence we say.. the transition frm random lameness to lame randomness.. the stayovers.. the talks.. wow.. some things u juz cant erase.. like permanent marker ink.. juz.. worse..

so i spent today slackin.. took some fotos with brudder/sista gang.. haha.. went to buy debs' pressie after sch b4 dota-ing.. i am OFFICIALLY broke.. does anyone in the wrong state of mind wanna donate to the help-ronson-get-the-stuff-he-wants-like-a-brand-new-vid-card fund? its not exactly veri publicized.. few ppl know bout it.. like.. one.. myself included.. ah dammit.. dota was ok.. have to start learnin a new hero other than drow ranger.. gettin borin.. oh guess wad.. i havent even figured out where to bring debs to eat tmr.. so genius.. oh well.. at least i got the presents already.. whew.. rite, so i gots to goes now.. feelin bored.. i need to add more life to this blog.. how??? suggestions ppl..

Bookstore browsing

2005-10-27T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ron

Im deprived. I spent 3 hours or so in Borders browsing thru books. Not coz i wanted to but SOMEONE was juz addicted to the trashy books there.. sigh.. k, at least we figured out wad im gonna get for debs on her bday.. gotta go get it tmr after school.. darn, im so tired i cant even type a proper entry. Today was pretty ok.. had a nice long talk with Charm on the way to town.. did make me think a bit more abt some ppl in class and also the way some girls think.. its really interesting and to a certain extent, scary how perceptive girls are towards the smallest actions. Next time i'll think twice abt my gestures and such i guess. Ok before i doze off, i gotta comment on some stuff first. look at the picture attached.. its frm the latest quentin tarantino movie called hostel. One, not onli does it have a dumb b-rated title, the killer in the movie, as shown looks like a complete doofus!!! i mean, seriously it looks like some budget slasher flick wif a villain tt looks like a retard la.. red? wif suspenders? and honestly, wads wif that stupid viking hat? for goodness sake, rip it off!!! ok, im dozin off now.. sorry ppl.. excuse the lousy entry.. really shagged.. nitez!!

PHILADELPHIA.

2005-10-27T04:53:00.000-07:00

I'm having a dilemma. All of a sudden I've got 3/4 blogs, too many emotional outlets. I can't decide what to post where. But since this is the relatively unknown one, I'll post here today.

Yes, the exams were tough. I studied, albeit not as hard as many others. Still, I got the long end of the stick. I didn't sacrifice too much in the process. I believe that where I am is pretty enviable. Still the "is it all worth it?" issue arises.

Will all I'm doing now have any influence on my future? Will it make me happier or richer? I don't know. It could mean everything or nothing. What am I working for?

I read in somebody's GP essay, "we refuse to believe that education really won't get us that far, because we've already put so much work into it". Or something to that effect. It stings nonetheless.

Why do I want S papers? They don't have all that much influence on where I'm going. Apparently only gov't agencies ask for them. I think it's more of a twisted contempt I have for myself. Like since I've got the luxury of doing it, I might as well jump in. I may not like it but I want to know if I can do it.

Am I biting off too much? I dunno, but I'll just have to swallow it. It's through this kind of thing that I find out what I want and what I don't. For example, now I avoid activities with fixed commitments. Flexibiltiy is important to me. I've got to be able to reschdule if need be. As a result, I'm kinda non-participatory in school. I've got no official posts, nothing I can't work on in my own time. When I call for PW meetings, I've never got CCA meetings i need to attend. I know I can handle the whole beaureaucracy deal, but I don't want to. I'm very selfish.

In retrospect, I do miss having a team. I've become pretty solitary. Like how I'll do things on my own, screw who's coming or isn't. Maybe one day I'll wake up friendless.

Still, I'm not too worried about anything. I'm pretty confident I can handle whatever. I just need to know when to say "PHILADELPHIA". Ron knows what I mean.

2005-10-26T12:23:00.000-07:00

Ooh i got a nice pic of eva longoria.. heh..

OGL!! OGL!! OG..og..o.. sigh..

2005-10-26T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ron

So the final grades are in.. OOEO.. sigh.. advanced, thankfully but i wanted to be promoted.. only one grade more la.. for any subject.. sigh.. not only do i have to take supp paper now, i cant be an OGL anymore!!! sobs.. i pray that by some miraculous twist of fate i mite actually be accepted in.. but wad are the chances? oh boy.. today's been so so.. quite disappointin actually.. played dai di wif sista gang.. shit.. almost puked blood.. the rate at which they play.. gosh.. its like the world suddenly goes into 56k mode.. laaaaaggggg... argh.. i need more kicks in life man.. SIG, we gotta go out soon!!! me needs my weekly dose of asthma-ish laughing.. heh..

Genius move of the day..
So i got really irritated with my com coz despite it bein so darn high end, it plays F.E.A.R. so darn badly. When its not lagging like mad, its graphics get compromised and reduced to half life standard.. gosh, not even hl 2.. hl 1!!!! ARGH!!! so fine, the reccomended system reqs said 1GB RAM.. i have 768 MB.. so i went to Jurong Point and spent 58 bucks on a new 256MB RAM card.. now i have 1024 MB RAM.. wad happens? NOTHING!!! *^%^$@!^%$!!!! (ok why the heck does my vulgarity have a hyperlink?) I mean.. seriously.. i could have bought DOOM3 or HL2 wif tt money la.. ARGH.. so i guess its the vid card.. dammit.. now i gotta save for a new vid card.. sigh.. lets see wad i gotta buy k..

To buy:
DEBBIE'S BDAY PRESENT!!!!
Warmachine: Apotheosis
GeForceFX6600 vid card
More warmachine models
DOOM3
Half Life2

and prob alot more.. i juz cant rmb wad.. for now..

ANW, eva longoria is so darn hot dontcha think? anyone have series one of Desperate Housewives? Lost? The OC? One Tree Hill?

bleagh.. someone post soemthin other than me pls..

Wake up wake up!!!

2005-10-25T06:06:00.000-07:00

Hmmmm.. another day in school.. darn.. slept thru all my lectures.. sigh.. no mood for studying.. esp after promos have ended. Oh well, come to think of it, i havent told my parents my results.. lalala.. I need to get 2 A passes!!! C'mon! OGL!!! wow, the week's comin to an end soon, and so is my JC1 life.. its been a great year.. but i sure look forward to more bondin within the class next year. Why are we so cliqueish? sigh.. Sometimes i envy classes like scone and sdone.. they're like really close and stuff unlike our class.. well, another resolution for the comin year.. Be the bridge over err.. segregated waters? hmmm.. i need more frens man.. i need repetoire.. reputation.. go SIG.. haha.. actually some to think of it, theres been business these few days.. have ppl talkin to me bout stuff.. which is good.. :) more more!!! k, so we're gettin back our results tmr.. pretty darn scary.. i really wanna be an ogl!! it'll be ultra fun.. and i'll know a hell lot more ppl.. cool.. oh my class won AC games!!! how cool.. but the cheapo school onli bothered to give like budget food.. like those you get for 10 cents frm primary school tuckshops.. hell, i think the plastic costed more than the package added together.. oh well.. life.. well, at least there was some shield thing with our class name on it.. cool.. i need cds.. darn.. my music's gettin stale.. its like wad happens wen u hear 'Graduation Day' by Vit C for the millionth time.. eew.. rite so i gtg now.. i need to play my horror game(F.E.A.R.).. lil girls in red and long hair really freak me out now.. cya world.. tag me aight? :)

Genesis

2005-10-24T23:12:00.000-07:00

Hello ppl... this be the new blog of SIG.. what is that? well, only a few privileged ones will ever know.. we're an enigma.. the unknown hand of a friend there to help.. we are Ron, Gwee, Tay, Gan, Muj, and Kan.. we're there when u need us.. we're there to help.. wif problems of the world.. nothin too big.. nothin too small.. we're all ears.. some of us have eyes and mouths too.. but mostly.. ears.. yup.. heh..

Hello world.

2005-10-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm gwee. Well d-oh.

And who might you be?